I haven’t blogged in a long time. In fact, I didn’t ever finish writing the birth story. Or our struggle with feeding. It’s all a bit hazy now and feels a lifetime ago. I think that’s why people go on to have 1 or 2+ children more…
But I find myself tonight with the urge to blog. Mothering Sunday and its imminence has made me feel the need.
Felicity is now 7 and a half months old. Still I really struggle with the term ‘mother’. I find it so hard to believe that this girl of perfection is my daughter. When people cuddle Flic and hand her back to me, saying ‘go to your mum’, I find myself thinking ‘Oh yes, that’s me. I’m her MUM!’ I worry everyday that I’m not doing her justice as her mother, that I’m not doing enough ‘stuff’ with her and that I’m not good enough. I think that’s pretty normal and that they call that ‘Mum Guilt’. It’s worst on the days I feel most sleep deprived and deranged. I still feel that someone will knock on the door one day and say “Look, you’ve had your fun being her mum, hand her back now.” I know that sounds ridiculous but I think it’s just a hangover from waiting and struggling to become pregnant and have a child.
So, this Sunday is Mothering Sunday. A day I’ve avoided like the plague for the last 6 years +. I’ve no idea how I’m going to feel come Sunday. Part of me doesn’t want to celebrate it as it doesn’t seem fair to ‘go to the other side’ and celebrate becoming a mum when others are still struggling to become mothers or have lost their mums. Another part of me wants to really celebrate the fact that Felicity is here with us and part of our family at long last.
So, how it’s actually going being a ‘Mother’??:
Felicity is 7.5 months old. She’s fantastic and brings so much joy to our lives. She’s such a happy little girl and is so smiley and funny. Her character is really starting to show; she’s very headstrong and shows her preferences loud and clear!
She is now on solids (and has been a while) and LOVES her food. We started off on baby rice and porridge and moved onto purees (fruit and veg). She hasn’t refused anything yet. She’s now eating finger foods too and likes melon, avocado, toast, scrambled eggs etc. and I love cooking stuff for her and watching her taste it. The dogs are being very good hoovers after she has eaten too and particularly like cleaning up banana pancakes and cheese on toast! She’s still a big milk fan, although sometimes the world is way too interesting and she’d rather be watching/doing and then we end up with a Milk Emergency!
Flic can roll around and crawl backwards and loves her jumperoo and walker. She is starting to go forwards in her walker (after initially only being able to go backwards!) and finds the whole thing hilarious. She loves watching (terrorising) the animals and loves stroking them (under supervision).
We both love going to baby yoga and on playdates with her baby friends. She also likes baby sensory classes and our walks round the park with the dogs.
Sleepwise, she had been doing roughly 6-6, but she’s a bit all over the place at the moment. She’s decided she would like to do an extra night feed (which she HAD dropped at 3-4 months old!) again. She’s in her own room where she loves the space of the big cot but every now and then I bring her back into her cot in our room when she’s having a bad night to save me being up and down like a yoyo…last night she refused to go down in her own room so I put her back in the Next To Me and she did half 12 to half 6. Napwise, there is just no real routine. She sleeps in the sling after her breakfast and when we are both dressed and has a longer nap sometimes after her dinner. It depends on what we are doing. She normally has that nap on me or in the pushchair or the car if we are out. She doesn’t like to nap in the cot. If I manage to get her in the sling in time, I get stuff done. If not, I enjoy a snuggle and a bit of TV time. Baby snuggles are the best ❤
Some days I get tired and past it and cry. Those days pass. It doesn’t mean I love her any less; it just means I am knackered and can’t see the wood for the trees. Mothering is constant and there’s no such thing as Time Out.
But all in all, becoming a Mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me and such a privilege. I love watching Felicity growing and developing into such a wonderful little girl. But I will never forget ‘the struggle’. It has made me who I am now, and most probably shaped me as a Mother.
Here are a few pictures of her taken during the last few months: