While I was in the second half of my pregnancy, I didn’t want to blog. In fact, I took most of my blog down. I had nothing to really say. Because I was just playing a waiting game to see if my pregnancy would work out and I could give birth to a real life baby. Being pregnant after a miscarriage is pretty scary stuff and I think only now I have Felicity here, I realise just how scared I was.
However, now, I’m sat here typing with one hand with my 9 week old rainbow baby, fast asleep, snoring beautifully in my arms. The precious little baby conceived via IVF after I miscarried our first baby. Some things are important enough to break your self imposed blogging ban. Baby Loss awareness week is one of them. Baby loss and miscarriage is one of those taboo subjects people just don’t talk about and it gets swept under the carpet – and this week is about removing that taboo. People are encouraged to share and tell their stories, which can help ‘release’ some of the grief and make people feel just that bit less alone and isolated in their experience.
Our miscarriage was a year and 3 months ago (exactly tomorrow – the date is ingrained in my brain) and I still think about her. The grief at the time was so intense. Now, as time has gone on – I am able to talk about that pregnancy and our loss just a bit more easily and think of it more as part of our journey to here. Saying that, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make me sad, or make me wonder what she would have been like, or who she would have turned into . But not a day goes by when I don’t think of how much she changed me and I’m utterly, utterly grateful for being her mother for the 12 weeks that I carried her.
Miscarriage and Baby Loss Awareness Week (9th – 15th October) ends with a ‘Wave of Light’ at 7pm on 15th (This Saturday).
Last year, we lit two candles for an hour – Our special Ellie candle and another for our friends who have lost little ones. I’ll be doing the same this year. Please join in and light a candle on Saturday at 7pm.