Yesterday we had our dating scan. I totally had mixed emotions about this as in our last pregnancy we didn’t quite make it that far. And if we had *just* made it, we would have been told that our baby was no longer alive. I firstly felt excited that we were going to see our baby and secondly petrified that it wasn’t going to be good news.
I haven’t been to the hospital since the miscarriage so the journey itself filled me with all sorts of horrible emotions (the IVF clinic and the EPU are all in Big Town that I have been visiting regularly – the dating scan was at the local hospital where I hope to give birth…) Just driving into the multistory, passing A and E, walking through the building with the Women’s Health Unit where I was for 2 nights and then going to the Costa because we were early for our appointment (we had a coffee just after I was discharged that horrible weekend..) brought back nasty memories. Husband reminded me that this was a Different Pregnancy (he has been taking notice too of the positive affirmations I have stuck up all over the house!).
Anyway, when I felt that I had drank enough liquid (hot chocolate, yum!!) to make my bladder full and we weren’t hideously early for the appointment, we went and found where we were meant to be and sat and waited in reception. Thankfully they were running to time (something which never happened with my scans in the hospital in Big Town!) – which is good when you’ve had lots of liquid! I got my (growing) belly out and the scanner lady quickly found baby and said “there’s a baby with a beating heart” rather than making us wait forever wondering what on earth she could see on the screen. She then showed us a very active baby wriggling and jiggling away before turning the screen away from us so she could do the measurements that she needed to do. Then we got another look at little baba before she printed a photo off for us:
I totally love our photo as it looks like baby is waving to us! I shed quite a few tears of both relief and happiness during the scan and I’m pleased we made and successfully passed that milestone that I had been half dreading and half looking forward to so much. I know things can still go wrong but I have chosen now to accept that I am Pregnant and started to talk about this pregnancy in terms of one where a baby will be joining us in August. I am beginning to talk about *when* this baby arrives rather than saying things like ‘IF all goes to plan with this baby’ or ‘IF it all works out and the baby is born’ which is proving much better for me and my mindset. I am allowing myself to love this baby now without the constant fear that we are going to get hurt all over again.
Anyhow, after the scan we saw the midwife for blood pressure, wee test, blood test, height/weight, next appointment info etc. And they gave me lots of free stuff (the things I’ll do for a free pen…).
In other news, I seem to be somewhat expanding. My clothes are really not comfy. Tops are not a problem. My tights are really cutting in if I happen to wear a (loose) dress for work and leggings and pyjama bottoms are not the most comfortable items (cutting me in half!!) I think I need to do something and rectify the clothing situation.
I tried to buy some baby stuff this afternoon after work, but I managed to only come home with a packet of baby wipes and two dog toys (for the dogs, not baby). I’m sure I’ll get into the swing of that side of things soon enough.
Next appointment is with the midwife at the start of March – then the anomaly scan is early April 🙂