Because of my little scare and the nurse at IVF putting ‘The Fear’ into me, I’ve been monitored for the last week at the EPU. Fortunately, they found my HCG levels have risen (from 353 to 1020 to 2588…) over the time they’ve been testing me and at the last test, on Sunday, they deemed the levels high enough for an initial scan.
So today was scan day. Straight away we spotted the little sac. The lady measured it and said it was right on track for being around 5 weeks pregnant. There was no heartbeat as yet, but we weren’t expecting one today. Then she checked that the other embryo hadn’t implanted somewhere it shouldn’t have – but all clear. She said there was no evidence of where my bleed had come from and put it down to implantation (which is what I figured it was – until that nurse scared the crap out of me).
So, they booked us in for another scan early in the New Year – we have one anyway that week booked through the Fertility Department – so I really need to sort that as I think two in one week is just overkill. But Christmas can happen first, then I’ll sort it. The nurse was lovely, told me that everything was on track and my HCG was rising, the sac was in the right place and I was to have a nice Christmas!!!
I’ve been really, really putting off contacting my doctors and telling them I’m pregnant and getting my Booking In appointment etc. sorted. I really didn’t want to do that before the scan today. This time last pregnancy, I’d had my booking in appointment already. But I feel like a ‘fake pregnant person’ again – even more so than last time. I have it in my head that it may not last anyway so I’m not ‘proper pregnant’. Saying that, I am trying to stay positive and allow myself to think of the possibilities and that I could, right now, be carrying our ‘take home baby’.
In doing so, I had a lovely little mooch at baby clothes yesterday. I haven’t done that in a while. If I’ve had to buy a baby present, in between Ellie and this pregnancy, it’s literally been a trolley dash job. But I had a dreamy little browse yesterday where I allowed myself to think about which ones I’d choose for our little one. Obviously I had to just pick out the neutral stuff at this point but it was lovely.
Also, yesterday I was having a bit of a tidy up. (Pregnancy does this thing to me, where I just want to tidy stuff up and chuck loads of stuff out). I’ve been meaning for ages to gather all my bits from the last pregnancy and put them in a really special box and keep them somewhere safe. So yesterday part of when I was tidying up, I put everything in a shoebox, ready to be transferred to the ‘special box’ when I get it. In doing so, I came across some cute little socks and vests that I’d bought for Ellie. They were so sweet and cute and I couldn’t figure out if I should put them in the box/just some of them in the box/save them for the New Baby. I ended up in crazy tears in the end (Pregnancy Hormones…?) because I felt guilty not putting them in the box. Husband said he didn’t think Ellie would mind as she hadn’t got big enough for them anyway. So after deliberation and some guilt on my part, they are in the New Baby pile (not that I have bought anything else). The New Baby pile just has my IVF paperwork and wristbands from hospital etc. I also started filling in the Pregnancy Journal that I got last time (in pencil…) as last time I didn’t even dare write in it but I’m taking a leap of faith this time. I figured, even if it doesn’t work out, I want to document it all anyway. When we lost Ellie, I was so grateful of everything I’d written when I was pregnant with her.
Healthwise, I’m feeling OK. I feel rotten if I don’t sleep or eat or hydrate enough – so I’m really making a massive effort to eat healthily, rest and look after myself loads. Trying to walk everyday too so I don’t get lazy. I’m a bit bloated this week so I’ve been utilising the ‘hair band trick’ on my jeans…I’m starting this pregnancy a whole stone lighter than the last one so hopefully the clothes will fit a little longer this time too!
Every day I wake up and say ‘Thank you’ for this second chance at producing a life. We are hoping so hard this one is our Happy Ending.