I’ve not blogged for weeks. Well I have but they’re all in my drafts folders. Blogs about positive pregnancy tests, about sore boobs, early scans, shopping for baby things. Then yesterday a blog about miscarrying our child at 12 weeks and 2 days.
Except I’m not ready to post them yet. None of them. But one day soonish I will, as I hate leaving a story incomplete. It seems unfair to our child who I didn’t get to meet. I’d like to finish their story that started in April when I injected for the first time, and ended on Sunday in hospital.
Right now, we’re trying to work out how to say ‘Goodbye’. The child I say Goodbye to is not the one I handed over to the nurses in a cardboard bedpan covered in a paper towel. Our child is a beautiful soul who is the best parts of me and Husband. A soul we will meet one day, I hope.
In the next few days, we will name her (we both had vivid dreams of a girl) and think of a way to keep her memory alive physically and not just in our hearts. I can’t keep plants alive so that isn’t an option. A tree cannot be moved with us. We’re thinking some art or garden furniture. I’m going to make a memory box with our scan photo and all the other bits and bobs at some point soon.
But for now, we’re just taking some time to grieve.