Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

I’ve not blogged for weeks.  Well I have but they’re all in my drafts folders.  Blogs about positive pregnancy tests, about sore boobs, early scans, shopping for baby things.  Then yesterday a blog about miscarrying our child at 12 weeks and 2 days.

Except I’m not ready to post them yet. None of them.  But one day soonish I will, as I hate leaving a story incomplete.  It seems unfair to our child who I didn’t get to meet. I’d like to finish their story that started in April when I injected for the first time, and ended on Sunday in hospital.

Right now, we’re trying to work out how to say ‘Goodbye’.  The child I say Goodbye to is not the one I handed over to the nurses in a cardboard bedpan covered in a paper towel. Our child is a beautiful soul who is the best parts of me and Husband.  A soul we will meet one day, I hope.

In the next few days, we will name her (we both had vivid dreams of a girl) and think of a way to keep her memory alive physically and not just in our hearts.  I can’t keep plants alive so that isn’t an option.  A tree cannot be moved with us.  We’re thinking some art or garden furniture.  I’m going to make a memory box with our scan photo and all the other bits and bobs at some point soon.

But for now, we’re just taking some time to grieve.

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20 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye

      1. I’m okay thanks. Trying not to go on my computer so I have a draft post written on my phone! Back at work next week. PS Bearing! 🙂 x

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      2. I thought it was bearing – but my brain is not working at 100% at all!! Hope going back to work is not too traumatic – keep being kind to yourself x x x x

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  1. I am so sorry to hear this and I am heartsick over the pain you and your husband are experiencing right now. Hoping for comfort and strength for you throughout these difficult days as well as clarity on how best to honor the life of this precious child. My thoughts are with you. ❤

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  2. I’m so very sorry for your loss, and hoping you and your husband find your path through this difficult and sad time as straight as possible. I am sure you will find the best way for you both to remember your little one. Sending hugs and wishing there was a magic wand to wave to make things right again.

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  3. Having been there twice i can only send a warm motherly hug hoping it will offer some comfort and perhaps a little ray of hope: i have now two grown up daughters and 4 grandchildren. Do not give up…

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  4. so so sorry. really. all I ve been wanting so far is a pregnancy test with 2 little stripes on it..and that was that. But how silly of me, shallow of me…. that would only be step one. I realise reading your blog that I’ve just came face to face with the reality of the IVF process…how cruel it actually is to see pregnant bellies everywhere. IVF does not equel Pregnant belly. So so sorry for your loss

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    1. I wish you the very best of luck with your journey. Please do not get discouraged by my story – I feel one step closer to our ‘take home baby’ and although it hurts more than I could ever have imagined – being pregnant for that short time (although I wish it had been 6 months longer…) was the most amazing experience of my life. Miscarriages do happen unfortunately but so do healthy pregnancies. Our time will come – have faith. Lots of luck and love to you starting your IVF journey – if I can help in any way – do let me know x x x

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      1. thank you 🌻 still VERY excited but the Husband fears a miscarriage or that it will not work..just because his wifey never talks about the possibility. I guess that is why i only stay and think positive. I get ticked off or throw myself a pity party when i have to work with so many pregnant unfit mothers teenagers , very very old alcoholics , those that seriously have to stop reproducing…..then i get upset and angry at them because they just do not get how amazing the blessing is. Aaaanyway that is luckily not everyday at work 🙂 it is strange this road God has us on. People keep on saying in God’s perfect time and when He sees fit. I believe that unconditionally. I ve had so many opportunities to educate and help other ladies with this issue. I am lucky, having medical aid and financial support from the parents pushed the process a bit and at least i can afford the medications. I feel so sorry for those that do not have access to these things. Then i realise how very very fortunate i am. even tho i habe never experience those 2 little stripes on a whee test,atleast i have the chance. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ENCOURAGING WORDS 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

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      2. You must find it so hard working with these people – I find myself shouting at the TV during Jeremy Kyle and the like. It is unfair that these people don’t realise they are lucky and have a miracle inside them. For some reason though, we’re on this journey – unfortunately. Really hoping it happens for you x

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      3. hahahaha i dont know that program 😏 or maybe I must stop watching food channels only. I am very shocked and ashamed at my behaviour sometimes towards these Not So Awesome women… i must say i reallllly do not show love nor compassion towards fellow man at times😠.

        *

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      4. I think it’s a natural reaction. One of the first things I said after I miscarried was a very childish, ‘It’s just not fair’. We’re only human afterall and I don’t think we should beat ourselves up for our human reactions x

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